And just like truckers, full-size van owners, Harley-Davidson motorcyclists, and firemen, my hobby had admitted me to an exclusive club and made me recognizable to others of the same stripe…people that run for fun.

Not all runners are solitary, like me. Some meet in large groups on early Sunday mornings, some run in pairs with a dog on a leash.  I like neither of those conditions because a) I would have to keep up with someone, or b) someone would have to keep up with me.  (The more likely scenario is ‘a’, by the way.)

Through the years, running has revealed a few of my strange quirks, and being a person who loves to share, I’ve listed them below.

1. Pet Etiquette. I know this will be an unpopular statement, but please don’t expect me to love your dog, especially if he’s sitting untied in your yard. For all I know, he’s just waiting to eat another little dog or chase a hapless runner like me out into oncoming traffic. (It has actually happened to me, believe it or not.) Same thing happens when you take your dog for a walk while unleashed (you anarchist…that’s against the city by-law.) I know, you want everyone to see how well behaved Mr. Patches is, and how he’s under your total control. Then you grin and call out, “Oh don’t worry, he won’t hurt you…” I know he’s probably a perfect dog, but for my sake, could you keep him tied up?
2. Keeping up with the Joneses. I must confess, when I meet a runner who is obviously a) younger, b) faster, c) in much better shape with tighter thighs; I try to run faster and pretend it’s not killing me until they’re out of sight.  The ‘Speedos’ (as I call them) are very genial as they disappear through a cloud of dust and give me a passing, “beep, beep!”  I also try to speed up when I pass couples strolling arm-in-arm or little old ladies stooping to feed the Canada Geese (while standing under the “Do not feed the birds” sign. Told you…total anarchy in this town.) My positive-thinking friends say the only person I’m competing with is me, but I don’t seem to be winning.
3. Positive Self-Talk. Sometimes I pray or think out loud while I’m running. Hey, I’m not crazy! I know the guy taking a cigarette break on the steps of the apartment building on the left thinks I’m talking to myself, but it’s not true. So if you see me do that, just assume I’m praying for you and be grateful.
4. Ephemeral Epiphanies. While I lumber along with my heart bursting out of my chest, I get the most amazing, brilliant ideas for paintings, or stories to sell to magazines. But not only that—I receive revelations! The mysteries of the universe are opened when all that oxygen gets to my brain, and I feel like I could accomplish anything. Who needs narcotics or hallucinogens when you can be out of breath? Then, poof! As soon as I get home, they fizzle away and I can’t remember anything. I’m like Cinderella after the ball, sitting in the middle of the road on a cracked pumpkin. If I carried a voice recorder, maybe I could give Einstein a run for his money.
5. Illusions of Grandeur. I’ve always wanted to participate in a 5 or 10 km run, but I’ve never done it. I train all spring and summer, then lose my nerve the week before a fall event. I’m afraid of coming dead last, you see. Will everyone have left by the time I get to the finish line? Or will one or two bored judges stay behind to welcome me?  Which brings me to my last thought.
6. Am I alone in the universe? On an evening jog last week, I pushed myself a little farther than usual, even though I was desperate to stop.  During that combination of fatigue and oxygen-rich inspiration, I started wondering about what it means to struggle through the difficulties of life.  Because of scriptures like Hebrews 12:1 (“…Therefore, because we labor before a cloud of heavenly witnesses…”) Christians like me imagine that Jesus and our friends who have gone before us are waiting and cheering us on at the finish line, encouraging us to persevere, to not give up in the middle of trials. I suddenly pictured him running with me, and felt the thrill of an epiphany. I realized he’s running alongside me, sharing the cool morning air, savoring the smell of the wild roses and the lilac trees, smiling at the kids playing street hockey, wondering if it’s going to rain before we get home. He’s breathing hard, too, but he’s telling me, “come on, we can make it one more block.”

As I ran, I remembered all the heartbreaking moments  of my life when He was there, making me strong, giving me a reason to get up in the morning, helping me to do the right thing, helping me to say “I’m sorry” when I didn’t.  Though I’m sure Jesus is waiting for us at the finish line, He’s also running with us now, and that’s an epiphany I’m glad I didn’t forget when I got home.

I know nothing save Jesus Christ and him crucified…1 Corinthians 2:2

“Read me a story, Grandpa,” said Snout.

“I would be happy to read you a story,” said Grandpa. “This is one of my favourites. I wrote it myself.”

Once upon a time there was a guy named Floyd. Floyd was lonely and purposeless, until one day when he gave his heart to Jesus Christ. He began to make friends with other people who had made the same decision to follow Jesus. One day, he was reading the bible with one of these new friends and made a discovery. He didn’t agree with his friend on one of the bible scriptures.

“It’s triangular,” said Floyd.

“No, it’s circular,” said Fred.

In an effort to solve the problem, Floyd and Fred went to the others to ask what they thought. They had slightly different ideas about this particular scripture. For example, Fanny said, “diamond,” and Finkelman said, “square.” Nobody would budge from their viewpoint. In order to avoid confusion, they all decided it was best if they didn’t work together. Floyd, like his friends, went off on his own to tell others what Jesus had done for him.

Floyd shared his triangular position with other believers, explaining why he was against the circle, diamond and square positions. As time went by he grew irritated with Fred, Fanny and Finkelman for misleading people with their twisted understanding of the triangle scripture. He would warn people away from his former friends and was relieved when people listened to him.

When Floyd had reached the height of his spiritual walk with Jesus, he spent all his time interpreting the scriptures for others. This is good, because Floyd was right, after all. He had an obligation to point out the fatal flaws of others.

Grandpa snapped the book shut, and rubbed his horns with satisfaction. “The end,” he said, with a devilish look in his eye. “Divide and conquer, that’s my philosophy.”

—-Adapted from a comic strip entitled “The Unified Body,” by Kent Bulmer.

How many of us have been Floyd? (My hand is way up.)

I started off with Jesus alone, a girl saved out of a secular family. I watched Billy Graham on television in grade nine and wanted what he was offering. I talked to Jesus in my bed that night, and it was the beginning of a lifelong journey with my Creator. I didn’t actually start going to church until I was an adult, and I was surprised to observe the pride “churchy” people took in their denominational stripe. Sometimes they spoke derisively of other churches. I vowed never to do that, to only identify myself as a Christian. Somehow I turned into Floyd anyway–there were times in my journey when I got fixated on what I thought was the right thing to do or to believe and times when I looked down on others who didn’t think my way. I was trying to get my value out of believing, saying and doing the right thing, being the first to recognize the real truth.

There are a lot of footpaths leading off the main road. A lot of rabbits huddle in the ditches. They dare you to chase them, and before you realize it, you’ve got lost out in the woods and kept Jesus waiting for a very long time. He taps his foot on the dusty road, sends his angels out to look for you and drag you back.

I guess all of my so-called “principles” have had a common theme…we focus on unimportant stuff in the West because we have the luxury of relative wealth and freedom of speech. We can do whatever we want, so we do nothing, or take immense pride in what we do. Christianity becomes just an interesting theological argument that you debate with your buddies over a bottle of wine…er, grape juice.

Until trauma hits you…sickness or death or abandonment or poverty or persecution, and then we throw ourselves in desperation on the mercy of God and remember what the Christian walk is supposed to be…it’s not a victorious quest you conquer alone, or an argument that you spend your life winning. It’s a walking tour for two, you and Jesus.

“I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land,” Psalm 143:6.

How long has it been since you recognized your intense thirst? Because that, friends, is the power of Christianity. Jesus is the water that satisfies all other needs, including the need to be right. And if you are drinking that water, everyone around you will want it.

A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master…Matthew 10:24.

If Jesus suffered, so will I. If Jesus suffered well, so must I.

I must be kind, I must be honest, I must be humble, I must be truthful. I have been bought with a price1Corinthians 7:23. If I am a servant, what right have I to question what the King allows to come my way?

When I first started to write this, I was thinking of the puny, whiny complaints we issue every day through our rich, free, relatively easy Western life—buddy cut in front of me on the boulevard, so-and-so irritated me at church; the cashier called me ‘dear’ even though it’s condescending, the smelly guy butted in line, my rusty, 10-year-old van is embarrassing, I can’t buy the big screen TV because I’m not getting a tax refund this year; I’m irritated at my boss, I hate winter…

Or maybe your complaints are a bit more justified (but still kind of whiny): You’ve been betrayed and mistreated: Peter lied about you, Paul believed a lie about you, Mary won’t listen to the truth, Joan has ruined your reputation, and Bob doesn’t care. In fact, Jimi will never speak to you again. You lost your job unfairly, you got kicked off the team, your dream of being a published author will never be realized, you have a flood in your basement, you need a new washer and dryer and you can’t afford one…(insert whine here.)

These are feeble troubles compared to those felt by Christians in Muslim, Communist or radical Hindu countries which persecute their Christian minorities every day, all over the world. They lose their jobs, their families, their churches are burned. Both pastors and laymen are imprisoned, beaten, tortured, or killed. I’ve been a Christian for 20 years…I know the part where Jesus said we would have trouble in the world (John 16:33.) But the culture of entitlement that soaks my society blurs the ramifications of His words before my eyes.

Until now.

I’ve gotten sick, you see. And I don’t know what it is. I know it’s not life-threatening, but my symptoms are chronic and debilitating. I’ve been dealing with it for 1-1/2 years, and I’m still waiting for a diagnosis. I think I know what it is, but the doctor is not yet convinced, and when he is, I don’t know if there’s anything he can do about it. I have to wait up to a year for one final test at my city’s hospital to determine what it is (give a cheer for Canadian healthcare.) In the meantime, I am truly miserable, and as I reread these few paragraphs I wrote more than two years ago I see I have much more to learn.

I have learned to believe that the disappointments of my life will be used by God to make me grow more like him…more humble, sweeter, more pliable–but illness is a whole new frontier for me. In the midst of a chronic attack, I must praise God, worship Him and pray for others. I can’t back down. I can’t let Satan discourage me. I can’t let Him win…well, I can, but I’m not supposed to. “But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved,” Hebrews 10:39.

What is joy? Is it happiness? No, joy is not happiness, especially not while we suffer. I think joy is defined as the choice to be grateful, the choice to be thankful. We have cause to be thankful, regardless of our sufferings! Jesus died for our salvation, and He’s coming soon! From now, ‘til all eternity, we will be in His presence because of His death on the cross. How marvellous! And my choice to worship and praise Him, and pray for others in the midst of trial is sweeter to God because He sees the choice I’ve made.

Do not think for a moment that I am not praying for God to heal me. Oh yes, I pray for that–every moment of every day. And you know, I believe He will. But until that time, I must suffer well, because I am a servant.

Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:16: The Spirit *Himself* testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.

Childhood is that crucible in which we spend the rest of our lives trying to climb back out, at least to some degree. I am happy to say that God is the one who led the way, despite many obstacles, one of which I will relate to you now.

I was told I was stupid more than once as a young person. The words were spoken in frustration by those closest to me. They didn’t intend to hurt me by their words, but they did. It happened usually in situations where these people needed me to do something and were trying (unsuccessfully) to explain what it is they needed me to do, and how to do it. If eventually I figured out how to do the thing on my own, my accusers would assume someone else in the room figured it out for me, and said as much.

I internalized their words and believed that I was, indeed, stupid. I was quietly resentful towards them, and developed deep insecurities. I had no confidence, but I kept my nose in the air and hid behind arrogance. I was terrified to try new things. I didn’t want to appear ’stupid’ in front of my peers, so I feigned disinterest. I did not want people to see me make mistakes, so I avoided unfamiliar activities. I didn’t think I was smart enough to achieve A’s in certain subjects, so I contented myself with C’s. (But I spoke over my peers, using big words and adult language, so that they would think I was a straight A student.) I never wanted to appear as though I didn’t know everything about everything, so I blathered on in conversations regardless of my knowledge level. (i.e. Better to stay silent and be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt!)

At this same time, God was revealing himself to me. I grew up in a non-Christian home, but through a series of supernatural events I began to think that God was real, and I read the scriptures (though not understanding very much) and I would talk to Him. God healed a close relative after I prayed during my adolescence. These events were the beginning of a lifelong nature walk in which Jesus was both my tour guide and interpreter.

For instance, an incident in grade 12 was Jesus’ first interpretative session in my life. Mr. McDowell was my Biology 122 teacher, a man enthusiastic about science and eager to share it with his students. On the first day of school, he separated the class into groups of two, put a large bowl of peanuts (in their shells) in the center of the room and told one person from every couple to choose a peanut. He told them to study the peanut carefully, apart from their partner, and describe it on paper. Then, they returned the peanuts to the bowl and mixed them up. Each writer’s partner was told to read the written description and find the peanut on their own.

What Mr. McDowell said to the searchers shocked me. He said, “If you can’t find the peanut, it isn’t your fault. It’s your partner’s fault, for not describing the peanut properly.”

This object lesson portrayed the fundamental scientific principle of reporting accurate observations. But Mr. McDowell will never know what a teaching tool his experiment was apart from biology. You see, I was gratified that my partner was one of the few who found the right peanut because of my description.

God spoke two things to me through that incident: One, that I am not stupid for failing to figure out what people want—quite often it is their own inability to explain themselves clearly. Two, it gave me confidence that if nothing else, I have the ability to communicate ideas, and to a person who thinks herself an idiot, that’s quite a revelation.

This incident did not spell the end of my battle with insecurity; rather, it was the first milestone to which God referred me back as the years have gone by. Satan whispers in our ear, reinterpreting and magnifying the hurtful words of others, words they may not realize are hurtful.

But God speaks in the other ear. He says, “I am the truth. And if I am the truth, then you should only absorb what I say about you. Now, to whose voice will you listen?” It is up to us to choose.

The first hurdle, to only trust God’s words, is an inward battle. The second hurdle is focussed outward, because it has consequences for those around us. Can you reject the negative spoken words or actions of others without rejecting the person? Can you let God give you the ability to hold the words and actions of others objectively? Can you let Christ’s love be the buffer between you and their hurtful remarks or actions? This is the level at which God wants us to operate, the place of complete confidence and contentment in the love of God; the knowledge that the self-awareness for which others strive, He has already provided. He wants others to recognize the profound change in our reactions and behaviour, so that they will ask us, “What’s happened to you? You’re so different than you used to be!”

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another…Proverbs 27:17

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone…Romans 12:18

Kelly: Oh Carter, I’m looking forward to this drive with you to Peter’s cottage. I love you.

Carter: I love you too, Kelly. I’m looking forward to it. As long as…

Kelly: As long as what?

Carter: Nothing. It’s just…well, please don’t tell me how to drive.

Kelly: What do you mean by that? I don’t tell you how to drive! Oh, Peter, you should make a left turn here–

Carter: –You see? That’s exactly what I’m talking about! Slow down, watch that car, don’t forget the stop sign, it’s faster to go the other way—it drives me crazy!

Kelly: Well, I’m sorry, Carter…I had no idea you felt that way.

Carter: (mumbles) I never wanted to bring it up before, it kind of makes me uncomfortable…

Kelly: Yeah, well, I’m uncomfortable too, Carter. Do you notice that we’re always late and you always take the longest way to our destination? You just dawdle along…Do you realize that I’m always on time, tapping my feet, waiting by the door—

Carter: Yes, I have noticed that, actually—

Kelly: –And you’re always late, and I don’t like being late, Carter!

Carter: For heaven’s sake, what’s the big deal if you’re a few minutes late once in a while?

Kelly: A few minutes? Try 45 minutes! An hour! A whole afternoon, maybe? “Whoops! I thought that was at 7:00 pm, not 7:00 am,” you say. And then I miss the event, because I trusted you to know the right time! Remember that wedding ceremony we missed because we didn’t leave early enough and you didn’t know the way? We drove around and around for an hour!

Carter: Who could find that church? It was in the middle of the woods! I had no idea that village even existed. Anyway, we were there in time for the reception.

Kelly: Ooooh…it’s embarrassing—when you’re late, people think that you don’t respect their time. Hey! Watch the red light. I don’t suppose you brought a map?

Carter: (Sighs.) No, I didn’t bring a map, I’ve been there before.

Kelly: (Rolls her eyes.) Once before.

Carter: Kelly! This isn’t a two-week cross-country road trip! Look, let’s just drop it, okay?

Kelly: Fine.

Carter: Fine.

Kelly: Carter?

Carter: What?

Kelly: You’re going the wrong way.

Like Kelly in the story, a good friend of mine hates to be late. Unfortunately, she does not have a car of her own and is forced to put up with the bad habits of others. She once related how irritated she used to be that travelling with my husband and I to functions always made her late. (In my husband’s defence, being late is not his fault…He used to be a very punctual person before he started hanging out with me.) She lamented that her entire circle of friends and family consisted of tardy people. But, she said, on the odd occasion when she was running late, she noticed that we sat patiently in the car and were not upset about having to wait, no matter how long. My punctual friend said our reaction caused her to quietly modify her own attitude. She now has more patience with the overdue people in her life that continue to be overdue. Instead, when possible, she makes alternate arrangements. (I would like to add that in recent years our punctuality has been improving.)

As for me, I am brimming with sensitivities, resentments and irritations. I’ve gotten more tolerant over the years, but I find that just as I’ve conquered one situation, another one appears. For example, I hate to be teased. When I was a child my mother’s frequent refrain, “just ignore them and they’ll stop,” did absolutely nothing for my sense of moral outrage. First, because I didn’t believe her–it didn’t seem to matter whether I ignored the wretches or not, they kept on doing it. Many entertaining outbursts at school, many tearful bus rides home, many excellent withering speeches in front of my bedroom mirror convinced me that I should not be the one to modify my response. Why can’t they just be nice, and kind, and polite…? I would never tell someone how their glasses gave them four big googly frog eyes or tease them about their goofy run or tell them they suck at baseball so they’ll be picked last or that nobody likes them because they use big words…why can’t they be like me? I would never do that, I would never say that, I would never put someone in that situation. It’s a tall order, to change the whole world so I could be comfortable in it!

That’s the heart of the matter, isn’t it? We all say to ourselves: “Why shouldn’t they change first?”

I’ve repeated the maxim the only person you can change is yourself to my own children from time to time. If I can’t stop being teased, all I have control over is my own reaction. And my own reaction reveals that I am easily offended. Should I be? Shouldn’t I be more gracious to people, since “mercy triumphs over judgment (James 2:13)?” Shouldn’t I ask God for the power to respond to them the way Jesus would? If I spent my time asking people to change their irritating habits and faults, I would have very few friends. Up to this point, God has not discussed other people’s faults with me. Whenever I complain about annoying situations, he points me back to my own reaction.

Furthermore, the scriptures say we should allow God to judge situations (i.e. David to King Saul, 1 Samuel 24:12) and instead, we should examine and control our own behaviour (Romans 14:9-13). There is tremendous freedom in realizing that God can help us to view the actions of others, even intentionally evil ones, objectively rather than personally. To love others with God’s unconditional love means you are no longer so easily offended, because you are not thinking of yourself at all.

Back to my punctual friend who was chafing about being late…If she had complained at the time, should I have told her to lighten up? Should I have said, “well, that’s your problem, find a drive with somebody else?” That may have been the first response in my head, but it wouldn’t have been the right one. If I had loved her with Christ’s love, I would instead look at myself. It didn’t occur to me that other people were inconvenienced by my dawdling. I now see that other people’s time is as valuable as mine, and it is arrogant to refuse to mind the clock.

There’s one other issue that I would like to bring up. It pertains directly to Christians, and how they relate to one another. In my 20 years as a Christian, I have witnessed and also been on the receiving end of correction by others who feel that it is their duty to point out sin or to expose the heretics, and they do it with gusto. They feel that God has gifted them in the area of discernment, and end up saying terrible things that are untrue, and hurt people very badly. The problem is that most times what they are confronting is not sin…they are personality conflicts and character flaws which have caused the accuser discomfort. We would do well to remember that most of our conflicts in the Body of Christ are opportunities for training rather than spiritual warfare.

In one of his personal letters to Dome Bede Griffiths, OSB, C.S. Lewis wrote: “On the whole, you know, I feel that self-examination should be confined to examining one’s conduct. One’s state in general, I don’t think one knows much about.”

I believe this statement reflects great wisdom, especially when you consider the scripture, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve,” Jeremiah 17: 9-10. Our conduct is concrete proof of the heart’s motivations. Where do I stand before God? Obedience is better than sacrifice. The bible teaches us to die to our flesh, and become servants—he that loses his life for my sake shall find it.

Some branches of Christianity spend a great deal of time navel gazing and examining each other with their “discernment.” I’m more cautious than I used to be… it’s so easy to deceive ourselves and rationalize our feelings! You can speak the truth as you see it, but you must be aware that “truth” is relative. We filter facts through our insecurities, problems and prejudices, and we become defensive. We want to protect ourselves. Which voice is ours, and which voice is God’s? How hard do you try to tell the difference?

So–Is it my job to confront you? If it’s not sin, I don’t think so. By all means, work out your problems—discuss your conflicts, talk it out! Can you see their point of view? Can you admit when you’re wrong? Can you say I’m sorry when confronted? Can you vocalize your frustrations and your needs without blame or judgment (i.e. that person should be like me)? Yes? Then apologize. Own up to it. If they forgive you, great. You’ll be better people and better friends. Go on with your life, and rejoice that you are more mature and more humble today than you were yesterday. If they refuse to forgive you, let it go. It becomes their problem, not yours.

This is the greatest opportunity to show transformation—can God control our tongue? Can he control yours?

Principle: Speak in the Active Voice.

Zechariah 8:16 These are the things you are to do: speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts.

Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour, for we all members of one body.

SCENE #1 (Charlene, Kelvin and Roxanne enter a living room):

Charlene: They want to discuss Nicholas tonight. They think he’s been stealing the donuts.

Kelvin: I’ve never seen him steal any donuts.

Roxanne: Well, he does eat more donuts than the rest of us, but I don’t think he steals them. He eats them right in front of us.

Kelvin: Maybe that’s why he’s gaining weight. Well, maybe we shouldn’t have donuts at the meetings anymore.

Charlene: For heaven’s sake, that’s not the problem! Listen, Nicholas is going to be there, and they’re going to sit him down in the middle of the room and explain why he shouldn’t be stealing donuts anymore, and how stealing donuts has destroyed all faith and trust in him, and nobody wants to be in the group anymore because he’s a thief, and they don’t want to be associated with a thief. And, if he doesn’t publicly admit that he’s a donut thief, and submit to prayer, that it will destroy the whole group and it’ll be his fault.

Roxanne: I can’t believe they think that—how can they think that? What proof do they have that Nicholas is a donut thief?

Charlene: Nancy told Debbie who told Frank that she counted the donuts before the meeting and saw Nicholas hovering around the snack table after he’d already had several. When she came back into the room, they were all gone. She says he stuffs them in his pockets.

Kelvin: That’s not Nicholas, that’s Nancy’s dog. She brings her Great Dane to the meetings. I’ve watched him eat off the table with his great big head. That’s why I eat before I come to the meeting. Nobody else seems to notice the dog, either.

Roxanne: Why didn’t you say anything to Nancy?

Kelvin: I didn’t want to rock the boat…dog people, you know what they’re like. “Love me, love my dog.”

Charlene: Kelvin, you have to tell Nancy what you saw.

Kelvin: Me?

Charlene: Yes! You have to tell her that it’s her dog eating the donuts, not Nicholas.

Kelvin: Oh, is it that big a deal? What will they do if they don’t believe me?

Charlene: Yes, it’s a big deal! Nancy told me the rest of the group has discussed the situation, and they would all leave. They absolutely will not tolerate donut thievery. She even said that sometimes she feels tempted to steal donuts herself, and she just can’t allow that to continue. Bad company corrupts good character, she said.

Roxanne: But if it’s not true, she’s going to leave for nothing. And poor Nicholas! He’ll be heartbroken.

SCENE #2 (During the meeting, a confused Nicholas sits in the middle of an assembly of people encircling him):

Nancy: (In a businesslike but gentle manner) Nicholas, we ask you to admit to us that you have been the one stealing the donuts. You must admit it for your own good. We love you, you see, and we only want the best for you.

Nicholas: (swallows hard) Umm…I haven’t been stealing donuts. I–I only ate four at the last meeting. I’m-I’m sorry. I didn’t know there was a limit, I know I tend to overeat. I promise I’ll only have one next time!

Debbie: No, Nicholas. It’s no good to pretend. We know you’ve been stuffing them in your pockets to take home with you. It’s beginning to annoy everyone.

Frank: We just can’t tolerate that. What if someone outside our group saw you? They would think we were all donut thieves. Think about how your actions are affecting us!

Nicholas: Well…I did put one in my pocket, but I was just saving it for later! I didn’t think it was stealing.

Charlene: (Jumps up from her chair, looking at Roxanne and Kelvin, who were staring at the floor.) Stop it right now, all of you! Nancy, your dog has been eating the donuts, not Nicholas. Your great big Great Dane with the great big head, Nancy! Kelvin saw the dog eating all the donuts off the kitchen table while we were in the other room…didn’t you Kelvin? (She touches his shoulder to get his attention.) Right, Kelvin?

Kelvin: (swallows, lifting his head slowly from the floor while the whole group stares at him hard) Uh—well…

Roxanne: Tell them, Kelvin!

Nancy: (Stands up and walks toward Kelvin, seated in his chair, her face hard.) It is impossible that my dog would eat donuts. My dog only eats IAMS. I know my dog…he is a disciplined dog. Are you calling me a liar?

Kelvin: Uh, no, not really, but—

Nancy: (turns to Charlene and continues) As for you, I can’t believe you would bring such an accusation against my dog. It just reaffirms for me that I no longer belong in this group.

…After many weeks of arguments in this sad tale, Kelvin finally was courageous enough to admit that he did see the dog eat the donuts, but it was too late to convince anyone. Nancy was first to leave and the other disillusioned members trickled out one by one, until Kelvin, Roxanne and Charlene were all alone. Nicholas was shattered by the false accusation and never ate donuts again.

Have you ever been in a situation with a group of people where your point of view would decide the outcome? Do you back away nauseated from conflict? Do you bury your head in the sand hoping the situation will go away, or do you calmly pray, and try to make an objective decision regardless of negative responses? And how is your heart in that situation… are you angry, are you worried, fearful, grief-stricken? Or do you strike first as a defensive measure… are you combative, defensive, arrogant? Do you gossip about situations, or are you prudent?

If you are calm and objective, well done you. But for my part, I have difficulty making decisions. It’s partly because I weigh and re-weigh the consequences of every action (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, although it annoys the quick decision-makers in my life). But it’s also because I don’t want to be responsible for failure. What if I get it wrong? What if I make a mistake? (a.k.a. Pride). I don’t want to lose people’s good will (a.k.a. The fear of rejection). Therefore it was my unconscious habit to get someone else to make the decision, or even worse, to align with braver people who felt the same way and were willing to speak up.

What a handicap! Instead of acknowledging my immaturity, I spent most of my life convinced that I was just a nice girl who liked to avoid conflict. This is a convenient, insidious contradiction…I may have certain convictions in a situation, but I share them only with the few who agree with me. I will not repeat this information to the larger group, lest I be responsible for creating bad feelings. Maybe someone else in the small group will speak for me and take the consequences?

So, I have been a liar and a coward, and acting contrary to the Scriptures. I was Kelvin, paralyzed by fear of conflict and the loss of relationship.

Some of us are the opposite. They are willing to risk relationship for what they believe to be the truth, even when their actions are damaging. They are confident in their discernment, confident that they are God’s servants bringing God’s warning. And with God in one’s corner, who wouldn’t be confident?

How do you tell the difference between what some consider spiritual “discernment” and your own opinion? It’s so easy to mistake your own opinion for God’s.

Without anger or malice, let’s all be willing to make decisions and live with the consequences. Let’s be better at predicting and accepting when consensus can be reached and when it can’t, and let’s not make decisions based on fear, but with God’s love, wisdom, and truth. People aren’t always going to agree. I can’t let the fear of rejection keep me from speaking the truth as I see it.

Next time:
Excuse Me, Sir, But I Can’t Help Noticing Your Faults

Principle #2: It’s not my job to fix you.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another…Proverbs 27:17 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone…Romans 12:18

There’s nothing new or groundbreaking in the words themselves. If there is any value here it is in my life experiences which made the words real. I helped start an evangelical ministry 15 years ago which consisted of a singing group that performed drama and preached on the street, in prisons and churches. Later our plans grew to include more ambitious projects, including the renovation of a 10,000 square foot historic mansion. Things worked out differently than we expected over the years, for many reasons. After facing some difficult, draining experiences, and negotiating constant obstacles, we decided to move on. This ministry is now in the hands of others, who are developing something new out of something old. My husband and I have returned to regular church life in a different community and we are raising our children like all the other middle-class couples on our street. At first, because of emotional and spiritual turmoil, I was happy to leave it all behind. But later, I recognized that my identity and sense of purpose for nearly 14 years was wrapped up in that vision. Disappointments and dashed hopes left me unsure of who I was and what I really believed. How do you let go? The fact is gone, like the lover who leaves, but I dwelt on the memories of a torrid though doomed love affair, for a long time.

If people ask, I tell them that what I thought was a marathon turned out to be a relay race, and my part was completed in the first lap. Though it was a marathon that went unnoticed by passers-by, I still burned to communicate my experience in it. So here is my life, poured out on these pages. I hope that even though you weren’t expecting advice, you will still find it a useful and pleasant surprise, like a twenty-dollar bill you find in the laundry room, folded up and forgotten in your jeans pocket.

I will not bore you with the process of redefining myself, but rather with the lessons I learned, particularly when it comes to relationships. Some of the memories are fuzzy now, like petroleum jelly smudged around the camera lens. The pain is fading, with the bustle of life in the intervening years. Since the particulars are bound to be lost to clear memory, all that is left are a few principles, which I share with you now.

Christians of every stripe all have opinions about the general state of the church. Those judgments are formed by our experiences, some bad, others good. They can be harsh, infected with our prejudices and insecurities, the stuff of regrets. But no one can deny that the stronger the experience, the stronger the opinion. The trick is to recognize the choice we are faced with in our experiences.

How are we going to react?

The freedom Jesus won for us on the cross is never so apparent as when we are faced with the every day situations that require a godly response. Even though I tried to keep my personal judgments from creeping out between the lines on the page, like closing the door on a messy room one wants to hide from the guests, I may not have always succeeded. You may walk by some door and see my personal baggage seeping out underneath. If that’s what you see in the coming pages, I apologize in advance. At least you recognized it. (Or did you? Maybe it’s your baggage…)

Tomorrow:

*I’d tell you what I think, but would you respect me in the morning?*

Principle #1: Speak in the Active Voice.

August 21, 2006 Calgary Sun: “Praying aloud gets a man jailed;” A Christian is arrested for obstruction after a complaint was made regarding his quiet observation of an outdoor occult festival. April, 2005: Teacher is suspended after a social commentary on homosexuality is published in local paper; 2001: Ontario Human Rights Commission penalizes printer $5,000 for refusing to print letterhead for a homosexual advocacy group on religious grounds;” February 28, 2005, the Western Standard: Canadian Revenue Agency threatens to withdraw a church’s tax exemption because the minister was critical of the Liberal government’s social policy.

Okay, so do you shrug and think, “Who cares? They probably had it coming.” If you do, shame on you. Today’s irritation with religious zeal will become tomorrow’s state control of virtually everything.

It’s trendy in our post-modern society to dislike and label Christians—if you’re a Christian, you’re a George Bush-Stephen Harper (same thing)-loving, Iraq-fighting, oil-burning, globe-warming, homophobic bigot. Christianity is erroneously seen as a white-man’s religion, a throwback to greedy European colonialism. Moreover, the media tends to categorize religious people under terms like ‘moderate,’ ‘fundamentalist,’ ‘evangelical,’ or ‘funda-gelical.’ Such labels insinuate the following: “Moderates are reasonable, and ‘fundamentalists’ are dangerous.” Seeing that I subscribe to the ‘fundamentals’ of Christianity, I could be considered a “fundamentalist” as defined by the media. Yet, I wince, because in the minds of listeners, the term lumps me with those that fly planes into buildings.

Society is so motivated to pursue individual rights, moral relativism, and to guard against anyone being offended, that it is willing to throw away the overarching freedoms that protect us all by vilifying people that don’t agree. Our problem lies with the definition of the words ‘intolerance,’ and ‘hatred.’ Lately, any public mention of the word ‘homosexuality’ and ‘sin’ in the same sentence is liable to put you in front of the Human Rights Commission for inciting hatred. Sweden, Australia, Britain…Canada. The right to preach unpopular views publicly in these countries is being tested. People do not want to hear, “Repent, or you too will perish,” outside the walls of a church. Not anymore.

Canada’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms is supposed to guarantee freedom of expression and freedom of worship for every citizen, and states we are “under God.” Yet, in Canada, we criticize Stephen Harper for saying, “God bless Canada” at the end of a speech. Why? Because he’s considered a Christian, and Christians have “a hidden agenda.” What is that hidden agenda, exactly?

Since democracy is defined as government by the people, especially rule of the majority, it is only as good as the people who exercise that political authority. I recognize that societal paradigm-shifts make big changes in social policy. But I lament that these present changes make Christianity “scary.” I never thought that my faith might someday put me in a Canadian jail as it does in other countries, but someday, it just might. And I’m afraid that you won’t care.

These headlines serve as a warning for all people who love freedom and democracy in our nation. Societal trends, which seek to protect citizens from religion will actually attempt to destroy religion, at least religion that isn’t sanctioned and regulated by the state.